In the world of childhood development and raising emotionally healthy children/& or adults, there is a lot of talk about ‘teaching children Boundaries’.
But this is slightly misinformed, as children don’t need to ‘learn‘ Boundaries.
Children come into this world with their ‘Energetic Integrity‘ perfectly intact. They know who they are and they know what they want; what they like and don’t like.
Try to get a kid to hug you when they really don’t want to, or to give you attention when they have no interest. There is no ‘cognizance’ of needing to please. There is just a general knowing that their needs will be met.
That is of course unless their physical environment or experience trains them into believing otherwise.
A Child’s Boundaries only get distorted when Adults, or people who are not fully in their own ‘Energetic Integrity’ (due to exposure to life contrast) violate, cross, interfere with or disrespect that child’s boundaries.
This can look like anything from forcing a child to do something they Really truly do not want to do (different from helping them feel good about something new or scary), to sexual, verbal, physical abuse. Violently yelling at a child is an Energetic attack which can cause the child to concave a part of their energy field (play smaller) in order to not make certain parts of themselves so visible, and therefore hopefully preventing another attack.
In this sense, these boundary violations train the child out of their own ‘Energetic Integrity/Power‘ and their innate sense of self.
Children are Naturally giving and loving and affectionate (for the most part). Giving love is not a boundary violation. They know how to listen to other children’s cues and boundaries (i.e., they don’t need to have long dialogues with their playmates. If they mean ‘NO’, they say no, scream no, and if the play mate doesn’t listen they might even hit them to reinforce their boundary.)
In this sense, boundaries are not something to be learnt, but Remembered. We all have a perfect Boundary Structure built into us for our own personal thriving. We need only to sensitize to our own personal ‘Energetic Integrity‘ in order to remember it. And really it’s not that hard. When we sensitize and become willing to hear, listen, and admit to ourselves about how we really feel in any given situation, we become Aware of our own Personal Boundaries and what it is we Need and that our own Personal Energy is asking of us to be in Integrity.
Do we need to say No!? Do we need to Scream No?! Do we need to let our Love out? let it be more glowing and expansive? Do we need time for ourselves? Do we need attention?
We will know this by asking ourselves and paying attention to how we are feeling. What do I need and want right now? How do I feel?
Not from an Analytical space of figuring out an answer, but to simply get emotional feedback about what is really going on.
Our Body will often tell us and show us what we need when we start paying attention and sensitizing to it. Notice the way you stand in certain situations. How does your Belly feel? How does your Throat feel? How are you moving or gesturing your hands? How is your neck positioned (is it tall and open? Or turtle-necking forward?) What about your feet?
Just pay attention. Not to come to any overwhelming answers but just to slowly start feeling that energetic and physical power within yourself and how you show up in your world in response to different things.
‘When we are connected to our Bodies, We are Connected to our Lives.’
~ Emma Sumner
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